my reaction: I was very sorry to learn of the death of your friend last month; Please accept my heartfelt sympathy for your loss. You say that you don’t understand why you’re so upset about all of this, and your long-term partner doesn’t quite understand either. I’d like to offer a few thoughts that I hope may help clarify.
often falls into the category of death of a friend lost damages ~ Instances in which grief is a completely natural response to loss and yet, because the loss is not openly acknowledged, socially approved or publicly shared, provide catharsis and relief to the mourner is deprived of what could bring shared sorrow.
As you say, when your friend died, no one in his or her family informed you of the death, and if there was a funeral or memorial service, you were neither invited nor included. went. It’s as if, from his family’s perspective, you didn’t exist in this man’s life~ and yet, you know you mean enough to him that one of his last wishes is to be physically intimate with you. Was. Furthermore, the people in your own circle (other friends, family members, work colleagues, etc.) do not perceive you as a person in mourning, so you have absolutely no support and comfort.
As Harold Evan Smith explains in his lovely little book, when your friend dies, the death of a friend is often considered a less significant experience than that of a family member. As a result, the friend left behind feels isolated or marginalized in the grieving process. You may feel like you don’t have permission to grieve ~ which can make coming to terms with your loss even more difficult.
I just want you to know that the pain you are feeling is real and your suffering is worth it. We do not grieve deeply for those whom we do not love. I encourage you to acknowledge the importance of your relationship with this person, and to respect your suffering as a measure of the love you feel for your friend. Even if it’s not reasonable (emotions aren’t always rational), you might be feeling guilty To deprive this man of the desire to sleep with you, while at the same time feeling unfaithful to your long-term partner, to consider it ~ and angry For passing judgment on you with your current partner for something you didn’t do. On the one hand you are grateful that your friend is no longer suffering~ On the other hand, you are now the one who is suffering silently with the sadness of missing him. One moment you’re feeling fine, and the next you’re in tears. these are conflicting, unclear feelings of griefMy friends, and they are normal under the circumstances.
You say “It feels like I didn’t say what I wanted” and you feel cheated~ But it’s never too late to say what you have to say to someone who is dead! It’s just a matter of finding a way to get those words out of your mind and heart, whether it’s in the form of a letter on a piece of paper (or on a computer screen), or simply a heart-to-heart talk (or heart-to-heart talk). From Spirit to Spirit) Talk to your friend quietly or out loud ~ whatever way feels convenient and right for you. we call what’s coming your way unfinished business, and it can help immensely to find a way to finish whatever business is left undone (or untold) between the two of you. You can write a letter to your friend, saying whatever you need to say. You can also try to have your friend write a letter back to you, whatever is written by him through you. (Some counselors suggest writing the letter with your dominant hand, and the deceased person’s letter with your opposite hand.) Set aside some quiet, private time to do this, when you know you won’t be disturbed. Put some soft music on the stereo, turn off your cell phone, and don’t answer the door.
I would like to refer you to some other resources that may also be helpful. Knowing what normal grief looks and feels like can make you feel less paranoid and lonely, and can give both you and your long-term partner a better understanding of what to expect in the days and weeks ahead. can do. View articles specifically listed on my article pageas well as sites that my death of a friend Page. I have also listed many other helpful links on my Consult / Support page,
I hope this information proves helpful to you, my dear. Please know that I am thinking of you and wishing you comfort, peace and healing.
