Do laundry, wash dishes, and don’t beat yourself up—they’re on my to-do list. that last one is up to me daily to do list. (Yes, I realize this is more like a to-do item, but allow me some latitude if you will.) Yes, I have to remind myself every day that I don’t have to die. I put it on lists. I remind myself of this in blog posts, and I say the words to myself almost as a mantra – “No Kill, No Die.” Let’s talk about why I need to do this and how I can’t beat myself up every day despite wanting to do so.
do not beat yourself up; It is important
Of all the things I do today, the most important thing is not to beat myself up. After all, if I don’t complete that one task, nothing else matters. It is the same for all; However, most people don’t need to think about it on a daily basis. So why do I have to put “don’t beat yourself up” on my daily to-do list?
it’s not hard to kill yourself
I’ve been depressed for longer than I care to admit, and it has brought with it varying levels of self-harm. Some days, when I’m extremely depressed, the only thing I can think about is killing myself. Other days, beating myself up seems like a default position. Still other days, it lingers in the back of my mind like an option, just ready to pounce if things don’t go well.
In short, the thought of killing myself is always on my mind in some way or the other. It sounds like an obsession I don’t want and I didn’t ask for. And if you’re obsessed with something, how do you ignore it? How do you move on and not go through with it day after day? It’s that much harder than you think. While every living being wants to survive, most people eventually succumb to their passions. This Is Why “Don’t Beat Yourself Up” literally Must be on my daily to-do list.
What is the benefit of putting Don’t Kill Yourself on the to-do list?
I know it sounds corny to put something so important on a to-do list, but it’s working for me. I’ll admit I’m a lover of lists and putting “don’t kill yourself” on my to-do list gives me something to cross off every night. and it is necessary to cross because not to die Feat Some days. Some days, suicide has felt like a foregone conclusion, and it has been miraculous not to act on it. But my to-do list helps. It’s a concrete thing that reminds me every day that my goal is to live – some day, my Only Target. And believe it or not, sometimes crossing something off a list is a reward that feels better than living it. Life seems like crap sometimes.
(If you don’t like lists, putting your goal on a sticky note and sticking it on your bathroom mirror can remind you throughout the day, but honestly, I think a list is better.)
if you feel suicidal
So, if you’re struggling with suicide, if that’s what you see in the back of your eyes every time you blink, I understand. I’d been there. My desires have sometimes been too strong. But take a page out of my book and make it your goal to die out – do it even when you think you don’t believe in it. It can give you something to cling to in a very slippery world.
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